I believe that if my appearance changes then I will have the relationship in my life that I so want. So why then do I not get the job done—why do I still treat my earthly vehicle in a way that leaves it unhealthy? I still have not learned to take the same care I would of others myself. I still see myself as I am inside—I do not really recognize what I look like, for when I look in the mirror I see the beautiful soul I am—not what my physical body looks like. But at the same time I tell myself that someone else would not want to see this body… So am I hiding from myself…Is the illusion about protecting myself from the unknown-this way there is an excuse from completing this task. Is the illusion about keeping the physical separate? Not integrating it and balancing it with all else in my life.