Today I am here to write about an illusion in my life.
Here I sit writing about the illusion of appearance.
I believe that if my appearance changes then I will have the relationship in my life that I so want. So why then do I not get the job done—why do I still treat my earthly vehicle in a way that leaves it unhealthy? I still have not learned to take the same care I would of others myself. I still see myself as I am inside—I do not really recognize what I look like, for when I look in the mirror I see the beautiful soul I am—not what my physical body looks like. But at the same time I tell myself that someone else would not want to see this body… So am I hiding from myself…Is the illusion about protecting myself from the unknown-this way there is an excuse from completing this task. Is the illusion about keeping the physical separate? Not integrating it and balancing it with all else in my life.
Or is the illusion about what I look like and how I take care of myself? Or is the illusion just the belief that stops those that may see the true me walk into my life? Does it really matter that I do not have someone in my life-is that truly important? Will that outcome really give me what I am looking for? Or will that just distract me from the true heart of myself? More questions.
The important thing is this-nothing outside of myself can complete me-that is the lesson-so if I can figure out what I think is missing and give it to myself—then and only then will the true heart be completed and the relationship I desire will come into being.
Why I do not eat properly and do not exercise is not an excuse or protection or giving my physical body some kind of pleasure—it is just a bad habit that I need to replace with good ones for I am worth the care and time and effort. It is also emotional and pleasure that is associated-comfort for me. I need to find comfort in giving myself what I need-I can provide and take care of myself in all other ways. Even though I see the soul inside me when I look in the mirror, do I really feel it deserves to be all it can be?
I know that I do not see myself as others see me-I sometimes wonder what it is that people really see in me—there is a spark they see sometimes that I just don’t get all the time. I get it sometimes, just not all the time. I know it is about connecting to my higher power and trusting that if I listen to the wise ones guiding me, nothing can go wrong.
I have accomplished getting over the illusion that sex equaled love. That one was huge for me. Now I see that the illusion is really figuring out what love means to me and how it fits into my life in all ways in order for me to be balanced and whole. So why I eat is more than appearance as it ties to the basic foundation of what love means to me. It is foundation for me-truly the base on which all is built and if I was not overweight I would not know who I was at all. I would have no excuses for anything that did not work out. But what an illusion that is-for today I know myself better than at any time in my life. I realize that I can be successful, happy and whole in all ways and I am willing to do the work to get there.
The illusion I choose to write about is time and how it affects me in my daily life. I realize that time is an illusion and yet living in this physical world it is a necessity in order to complete tasks and make marks to complete goals. Sometimes I seem to go through my life—always looking forward to “get through” busy times. I have probably spent a large portion of my life thinking “Just let me get through this week, through this project, through this issue…” Well, the thing is NOW is the important time-not wishing your life away as it is. Living in the now is a wonderful way in which to live your life as it truly breaks down the illusion of time. Do we not want to relish this moment in time-we will never get it back-it will never be the same and it will not matter tomorrow. It is easier to relish those special moments-birthdays, holidays, special family events. But is it not just as important to relish the drive to work-noticing the sun shining, hawk flying above and even the gift of having that time to de-stress, talk to your guides, say your prayers and enjoy that fleeting moment of time. It is also important when you enter the work world to assess your day, making sure you have time to accomplish the necessary tasks, and yet, not to let the day get away from you with the rushing to and fro without conscious thought. Ah, there is a word—conscious-when we are conscious of what we are doing when we are doing it; the illusion of time is just that-an illusion. Time is an illusion because too often we unconsciously go through the motions and allow it to pass unnoticed as everything else crowds in. Again unconscious.
We also need to watch that we are not rushing through our current life-today-now but we must not dwell on the past either. Once we try to be conscious in all matters of the time and day we begin to meditate each moment. Know what it is to feel your body as it walks, feet hitting the ground with each step, arms swinging at your side.
What does it feel like to brush your teeth? What does the toothbrush feel like in your hands? What does the toothpaste taste like? What does the brush feel like against your teeth?
Yes, it seems silly, but yet this is being in the NOW—not worrying about what happens when you get to work, what happens when you get home from work and especially not what happened yesterday.
So the illusion of time—what time really is—it is the snippets of emotions, thoughts, and physical experiences that give you an experience—it is how you look at and ponder those experiences-conscious or unconscious—knowing your energy and how it reacts with those experiences. By choosing to be conscious of these experiences you allow yourself to move beyond your fears and insecurities and move to a whole new way of being. It helps you to begin to shift your perceptions breaking down our self limiting beliefs about ourselves and where we are going.
My wish is this—
Please allow me this day to ponder only what each moment brings
There is no tomorrow
There is no past
The thoughts that go through my head are those pertaining to the joy of this moment
I feel with every ounce of my body all the feelings this moment brings
I know the gifts this moment brings are for my highest and best
As I ponder these wonders I realize that every fiber of my being is alive
As I meditate in this second of time I am one with God.
Thank you for these blessings, love and peace.