I am moved to words this morning as this day of LOVE brings reminiscences of times past. Love is how I vow to walk the earth each day with the new sun rising. Love feels so deep and is not just the love between humans or pets. It is the Divine essence of our hearts. It leads us and helps us find the Divine spark that we are. It is our birthright and discovering and developing a relationship with yourself where that love leads you, changes who you are, and how you send your energy into this crazy world.

 I know love intimately and I wish that for all of us. There are times it fills me up with the most beautiful thoughts and other times it leads me to dig a little deeper and release the negative thoughts that sometimes enter. This is just truth, does not make me a bad person, it is reality and the important part here is that I use my tools to shift the negativity and find the way through to the love I hold. For always, love is the answer and the way forward. ALWAYS….

 I say the words, “I Love You”, often for it is the vibration I want to send into the world. It matters. It is the most loving thing I do for the world. I want people to feel the love of the Divine no matter where they are in life. I understand that one of my biggest life lessons is LOVE.

 From the time of my birth, I felt that I was not loved. That was strictly my perception. My parents and family loved me dearly. My head knows that, but my heart is another thing. I struggled with knowing this for most of my life. As a teenager, I had really bad self-esteem. Those wounds are very deep and still there and still surface in some ways. Not feeling good enough is a really loud cry about not loving myself and seeing the love I am. Can any of you relate?

 I am still working on releasing it. Healing is an ongoing process and one I believe we do throughout our lives and even carry on in the afterlife. It’s OK not to be without this work, what would I do without it? That is where my humorous self comes in. I believe the work with healing those heart tugs is worthy and like the onion, the tugs get less and less intense and I am grateful for all the healing I have done. I also know that through my healing I can help my clients with their journeys even more. And I am grateful for that.

 So as I write this today on Valentine’s Day, I am listening to a playlist I have with music I played for my Mom on Valentine’s Day in 2016. It was the last day I spent with her. She was in a nursing home in Pennsylvania and had been for 8 years. She had Alzheimer’s and had progressively gotten worse. She was pretty much non-verbal and out of it. In January 2016, she got a UTI and her written wishes said not to give her antibiotics as a life-saving measure. I knew she was on her transition journey. She went into hospice on February 11, and I wanted to see her on Valentine’s Day. As soon as I walked into the room, I felt my stomach lurch and my heart cried, no. I knew it was time and we would not be leaving Pennsylvania that day. It was her last day on earth. I stayed that day, giving her love, some of the love that she had shown me in my life. As I look back on that day, I feel blessed to be able to show her love that day. I talked to her reminding her of the joy she brought to our lives. I started playing songs and singing to her. Boy, that was not pretty but heartfelt.

 The songs in the playlist are:  Thank You by Bliss, A Hundred Thousand Angels by Bliss, Come into the Light by Bliss, How Could Anyone by Shaina Noll. These songs played over and over all day and into the night. They were songs that were important to me and helped me love myself. I knew Mom’s journey was much the same as mine.

 Gifts from my Mom. There were many, but love was the most important. She loved deeply, and she showed love with her cooking and baking. Many memories for me surround the food she would prepare. Oh, the stories I have of holidays and what foods looked like. For Valentine’s Day, there was always a heart cake. Homemade, not box mix and iced with perfection. She loved decorating the house for the holidays. Even St. Patty’s Day, Easter, and 4th of July all had their decorations and foods. My cousins still all talk about her nut rolls. She was famous for them. She hand-ground walnuts, like 30 pounds, and made a mixture that she lovingly spread inside the sweet dough that had raised and then baked so that the house held an amazing aroma of love.

 When she first entered the nursing home, I would visit and she would talk about the cookies she had made and saved some to take with me. I always played along but secretly wished that there were cookies for me. And there were the love cookies for sure.  

 As I write this, tears of love are dropping from my eyes. Not sadness but love drops for I am very grateful to have these experiences. My inner child is working hard this morning to share my experiences from a place of love and gratitude. I am working with her to love her so that those old experiences of feeling lack of love can be reimagined to knowing that she was loved and these experiences were part of the journey to get here.

 So here I am, 8 years later and I still miss my Mom and always will but I understand that she is where she can experience the greatest love and healing possible. I love that!

 And here I am, in a beautiful relationship of almost 10 years now feeling blessed to be in this life sharing my love, and feeling the love that I always wanted to have. I have a business that I love and can express myself and love to my clients.  

 So my words today are, it’s all about love because deep down that is what matters. It all comes down to that and as the world comes around to those heart feelings life will change. Compassion and kindness lead and whether we know the person or not, those feelings will lead us all to a better way of living.

 I want you all to know today that I care about you. I understand that your life is sometimes a struggle but I would love it if just for a minute you could anchor my love to you in your heart and start to feel that kindness in your life. I care and my only wish is that you feel that. Loving yourself does not mean that you do not feel sadness, anger, and angst. It means that as you breathe and release those feelings the feelings of love carry them into the wind to be transmuted into light. It gives you room to breathe and see both sides of the picture not to get lost in the lower energies but to be able to let love lead you higher.

 Happy Love Day! I am sending you all much love!

 

Rev. Mary and The Elders of Light

 

February 14, 2024   

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